From a Mentor’s Diary

Of all milestones that I achieved in my internship, opting to be a mentor was one of the life-transforming choices I could make. For someone who entered the interview hall with a hint of nervousness on her face and a big bag of insecurities on her shoulder, I never imagined having one mentee, let alone a whole bunch! I often assumed that mentoring was one exciting role to play. Turns out not everything goes according to our plans, do they?

My lessons on mentorship at my workplace started with guiding a particular set of mentees on their roles and responsibilities in the team. As days changed to months and months added up to a year, there was a huge list of lessons that I learnt on how to be a good mentor to my team. But not all mentorship journeys are this happy and pretty.

We often come across frustrated mentees cribbing about their mentors. It is a general notion that all mentors are uptight and high maintenance. Being a protege myself at one point of time, I used to agree on numerous such incidents where the master can be a pain in the ass. It was only after I stepped into the other side of the court, I understood that it is not the mentor who is unrealistic or troublesome in general. Mentees can make it more than difficult and overwhelming for a mentor, especially at a workplace.

With each passing day I realized a mentor, who is a guiding and motivating force for their mentees, can feel demotivated and break down at times due to the little actions of the mentees.There have been several instances in my journey as well which broke down the ultimate level of my patience. We have always seen huge articles on how a bad mentor can have negative impacts. Here are some glimpses breaking a few general myths about mentors, which can show how a mentee can make it problematic for their mentors as well:

One-sided relationships are good in books!

Tales on unrequited love stories might sound interesting otherwise, but in mentoring, one-sided relationships are a real headache. A mentor may exert all of their guidance and motivation on their mentee, but if a mentee cannot reciprocate the same, every investment made in that relationship goes into vain. Having a mentee who evolves with every step of experience that they acquire in their mentorship acts as a motivator for the mentor. Seeing our mentees apply the guidance invested in them is what keeps us going in our journey. Unfortunately, if a mentee does not even register the ideas and thoughts of their mentor, let alone apply the same, no mentorship can stand strong in the long run.

Be happy with one set of parents!

Remember the time when we used to run to our parents for even the smallest scratch that we got while playing in the field? Very often, mentees tend to treat their mentors as their second parent, which we are not! As funny as it may sound, it is true in the majority of mentee-mentor relationships. That is the exact moment when a mentee starts rushing to their mentors with every little issue that they face at work. A mentor is there to guide you through your problems and not solve everything altogether. Running to your mentor with every little problem can make it stressful for them in ways you are unaware of. If as a mentee, you wish to find a problem solver, you might as well try to look for a genie!

Mentors — not a patience factory!

Do you know the most common form of bad-mouthing that can be done for a mentor is — ‘My mentor is not understanding at all!’ We are as human as you! If you expect your mentors to be as calm as a June day at all times, you are living in a delusional world. A mentor can be patient enough to demonstrate, guide and sometimes even do the entire work alone as an example! But even we need to get some basic responses back. A dead end occurs for us when neither can we see any overall growth, nor do we get a feedback about any difficulties our mentees might be facing. How can a mentor measure if they were successful in their roles in such a case? But, the bottom line is, a mentor ‘must’ be patient after everything or else adjectives like non-considerate, angry, problematic, and so on gets added to our description cap. To quote Abhishek Upmanyu, ‘Main kya karu phir, job chodd du?’

Where exactly is that brain you claim you have?

A million-dollar question every mentor must ask! As a mentor myself, the earliest memory I have of any mentee is that they possess a nice set of brains which can be put to good use. I agree every mentor must teach their mentees because they carry a bag of experiences which their proteges don’t. But is the mentor supposed to infuse brains in their mentees as well? Basic common sense is all a mentor expects from a mentee, and they are ready to take up every challenge which might come their way in mentoring. Unfortunately, not all homo sapiens use this precious gift inbuilt in them since the day they were born!

If you are looking for a mind reader, find a tarot expert!

Sometimes, I wish I was a tarot reader. At least I would have a degree to flaunt for all the mind readings I do! Guiding a bunch of mentees, looking after their well being in a work environment, handling the truckload of work as the team leader are tasks enough for a normally evolved human. Expecting your mentors to read your minds and understand your thoughts is a little unrealistic, don’t you think? The simpler solution here can be a mentee communicating their thought to their mentors, making the task ten times simpler and faster, because we are no tarot experts who can get into your brains!

Bet you have a better notion about a mentor now, don’t you? Mentorship is a two-way relationship and it cannot be only one party responsible for all the chaos. Every coin has two sides. It is not always the mentors being difficult. Sometimes, we can also try to look at the other side of the story. Trust me, it is fun!