Understanding begins at home

The increasing participation of men towards feminism and gender equality is no longer a big secret in society. What once was a ‘women issue’ has now created many proud male feminists in our community. When we look around us, we find our male allies rasing the feminist flag high and walking shoulder to shoulder in our protest against the patriarchal society. These are the heroes we find at our workplace and community portraying themselves as our strength. But what are the chances that the same ‘heroes’ are the voice of their mothers, daughters and sisters at home?

It is easy to participate in marches with placards and be the face of the movement to create an inclusive world. But what about your understanding of your female family members? Do you treat them as equally as you treat your colleagues and society at large? A man can do everything in his calendar to establish the gender equality of the century, but if he cannot understand the feminine characters within the four walls of his family, I don’t think the society is going to get benefited much from his actions ultimately!

One doesn’t need to climb Everest to make a difference that they want. Small actions can make bigger transformations. If every man can create a better place to live in for the female characters of their own family, I don’t believe the marches and protests will be needed much. Understanding begins at home. From my personal experience of the male chauvinistic society, here are a few things you can try to make the world a better place:

Stop being a man child!

Unless you are still in your diapers, there is no reason for you to run to the women in your family for every little problem. Your mothers and daughters do things beyond your imagination in the same 24 hours that are gifted to you every day. How about you start learning to do your own chores for once? No man is naive enough to be told this. While the women in a family continue to do everything without any complaints, it would show an understanding from the men in the family if they offer a helping hand on their own. No one expects a 14-year old boy to wash his clothes or a 50-year-old man to run errands. But everyone can take up some tasks of their own as per their age. Doing your work is not frowned upon. In reality, such small responsibilities that you take up can make the lives of women around you much simpler.

Gender equality in society? Try the same at home!

Do you offer the same number of paid leaves to your female employees as compared to your male employees? Do you let the girls play football and cricket with you in the field? Do you not body shame a girl or tease her about her period stains? Well, congratulations you make an excellent man in our society. Quick question, when was the last time you offered your wife to take a break from the kitchen and managed things on your own? Now we are in a pickle. It is good to see men creating equal opportunities for women in the world outside. But the same equality is needed in the world inside your family. We don’t expect you to cook meals for the whole family 4 days a week. But we do expect you to understand if we need a few hours of peace from the continuous chores all day. Instead of being the baby and cribbing about the fact that your wife does nothing all day, how about you step into their shoes once in a while? Is that too much to ask for?

No uterus, no opinion!

Of course, all men know about how women bleed every month. The understanding is such that many of them also grant period leaves to the female co-workers and create a safe space for them to start a dialogue. Where is that understanding when it comes to your family, where your wife, daughter or sister still have to bust their asses even after the tremendous period cramps? Knowing about periods and showing minimal concern at the workplace is not enough. Periods not only come with us bleeding every month but numerous other factors such as mood swings, fatigue and endless cramps. Instead of cribbing about the women in your family for being difficult during their periods, you may try to understand the complexity of menstruation and support them for being such strong individuals. We tolerate men and their constantly changing moods without any signs of menstruation in them. The least men can do is bear with us for a few days in a month, let alone support us!

Women do not take patience pills!

Can you yell at random women roaming in the park and expect them to not hit you with their slippers? You cannot because you aren’t related to them. So, does a blood relation come with a written contract of expecting the women in your family as patience pills? Somehow, I have always seen the men expecting women to be calm as a summer sea in every situation. We all have bad days and sometimes we all end up taking out our irritation on others unintentionally. If on some days you can treat the women in your family as a punching bag for your bad days, normalize the same happening to you by them. You don’t need to show your male chauvinism if on some days even your sister ends up yelling at you at no fault of yours. The smarter solution can be to talk about the problem, in either case. After all, we are as human as you and bad days are a part and parcel of our lives as well! Instead of being demanding unrealistically, you may try to use some brains.

Indeed, our society will still remain patriarchal in some ways. There will still be a need for feminists coming forward asking for equality. But if a man can start bettering the situations for the women in his family before he caters to society at large, he will be the actual change we want to have. Instead of asking for a change from society, we can all be the change ourselves and the world will be a much simpler place to stay in!